A naked man was arrested for surfing a moving train in rural Colorado

In a corner of Colorado so remote that the county has fewer residents than most Denver apartment buildings, a naked man was arrested Thursday for surfing on top of a moving Union Pacific locomotive. And the sheriff’s office would like you to know it’s handled.

Daniel Ray Ballance of Quartzsite, Arizona — a name that sounds made up but is apparently very real — broke the window of a Union Pacific Railroad locomotive, climbed aboard and was later spotted riding on top of the thing, fully nude, as it rolled through Sedgwick County in far northeast Colorado near the Nebraska border. The county, for reference, has a population of about 2,400 people. On Thursday it had at least one more, and he wasn’t wearing pants.

Ballance was arrested and faces a combination of felony and misdemeanor charges, according to the Sedgwick County Sheriff’s Office, which delivered one of the great law enforcement social media posts of 2026: “For those of you who had the unfortunate experience of seeing this gentleman surfing naked on top of a moving locomotive yesterday, I want you to know that he was arrested on felony and misdemeanor charges.”

But the real kicker came in the next line. When asked about himself, Ballance reportedly told deputies about his three great loves: vodka, beer and the banjo. The sheriff’s office, clearly relishing the opportunity, responded: “Daniel expressed his love of vodka, beer and playing the banjo. Unfortunately, we had to separate him from those loves and the train ride.”

Sedgwick County sits 200 miles northeast of Denver, straddling the South Platte River right at the Nebraska state line. It’s farm country — quiet, wide open, and not typically the setting for a nude locomotive incident.