National poll reveals Colorado loves to grill Rocky Mountain oysters, and we’ve never been more confused

A new poll from Talker Research just dropped the grilled food each state is known for, and Colorado got tagged with Rocky Mountain oysters. Yes, bull testicles. On a grill. And we need to talk about this because as someone who has lived in Colorado their entire life, I have never once in my existence seen a human being throw Rocky Mountain oysters on a grill. They are fried. They have always been fried. They will always be fried. That is the rule. You batter them, you deep-fry them, you dip them in cocktail sauce, and you try very hard not to think about what you’re eating. Whoever told this poll that Coloradans are out here grilling them owes us an explanation and possibly an apology.

For the uninitiated, and honestly, you might want to stay uninitiated, Rocky Mountain oysters are not oysters. They are not from the ocean. They are not seafood. They are the, shall we say, most personal part of a bull, removed during the castration process, cleaned up and cooked. They are a genuine Colorado tradition, served at festivals, county fairs and any bar brave enough to put them on the menu. But they are a fried tradition. Grilling them feels like someone from out of state Googled “weird Colorado food” and assumed we throw them on the Weber next to the brats. We do not. If someone at your Labor Day cookout pulls out a plate of grilled Rocky Mountain oysters, you are at the wrong cookout.

Meanwhile, the rest of the list is delightfully weird in its own right. Alaska grills moose burgers. Florida grills gator. South Dakota grills pheasant. Maine grills fiddleheads, which are apparently the curled baby shoots of ferns, and that might be the only entry on this list more confusing than ours. Wyoming grills bison, Montana grills elk, New Mexico roasts green chiles (which we fully support), Delaware grills blue crabs and Hawaii throws down Kalbi ribs and Huli Huli chicken, which honestly sounds incredible. Overall, Louisiana is most likely to call themselves “grill masters” at 31 percent, and Texans are the most confident in their state’s grill cuisine, which tracks, because Texans are the most confident in everything.

So happy Labor Day weekend, Colorado. Fire up the grill, throw on some steaks, burgers, brats, whatever you want. Just know that according to the rest of the country, you should be grilling bull nuts. You should not. Please continue frying them like a normal person.