Found Mr. Scary! – aka ‘Silence of the Lambs Man’ Online

WHERE are the normal people in the dating world? Seriously, this past week has led me to believe that we’re hitting an all-time scary low of normalness.  I joined an online dating site (I know! )to see if maybe that was better than meeting someone out and about.  Remember the face licker?  My girlfriend said, “Can it really be any worse than the face licker?”  Hmmm…great thought and it can’t be, right? Wrong.  Totally 100% wrong! It’s not really better at all.   So let me recount for you some of my observations this past week.

First, guys I have to address the whole profile picture thing.  Take a normal picture, period.  Just like you’d tell us gals to knock it off with the fish lips (totally guilty here – makes my face look thinner)  I don’t want to see another fishing, hiking, mtn biking or skiing montage.  One or two pictures of these things is great, but every single picture?! Wow, you like to run.  Hey there you are again finishing a race…and there you are again and hey different now you’re hugging a friend at the end of a race.  Got it. ;)Plus, to then have you state in your profile that you like running (or biking, hiking, skiing) when every pictures shows it, I get it. I saw a guy’s post asking women to stop with the headstand pictures?  What?! I don’t see the girls’ pics but that is strange too.  Is it a yoga thing or hey look at me, I’m standing on my head?!  No clue.  I’m starting to wonder what is wrong with me? I mean I wonder this all the time, but now I’m feeling like maybe I’m the only girl who doesn’t want to see you on every 14er in CO holding a sign? Maybe it’s because I’m just not the girl that wants to take her bike up on the gondola, ride down the mountain and then camp off grid with you.  I like moderation of the CO ‘ings (hiking, biking, running, camping, skiing, etc.) I just can’t don’t have any desire to do the extreme ‘ings. I like skiing, but I really like the bar at the bottom of the mountain.

Next, if you’re online to date why not take the time to write something about yourself in your profile? I know, crazy idea.  I can’t even tell you how many guys leave it blank! Blank I tell ya!  I don’t know if they think we’ll be seduced by your ‘ing pictures and not care about who you are, but I care! I want to learn something about you that your pictures don’t show.  I also feel like the phrase, ‘partner in crime’ is waaaayyyy over used online.  I find myself overanalyzing ‘partner in crime’ and wondering what you’re really looking for in a woman.  You’re crazy and I may have to bail you out of jail? You’re really vanilla and are trying to sound like a bad __?  I like a little bit of a bad boy with a Harley, but I don’t want to literally be the Bonnie to your Clyde.

Next, because there will never be a lastly to this whole dating thing – watch out for the Silence of the Lambs people. Remember ‘Buffalo Bill’ who kept the girl in the well and yelled, “Put the lotion in the basket!”  I think I might have met him the other day online.  Take a look at our exchange:

I know!! Either a fetish guy or maybe looking to strangle me with a pair of stockings and put me in a well! Of course I sent this to my girlfriends and said this is why I’m done dating.  Seriously though, be careful. The put the lotion in the basket people are out there and we need to be on guard.  Talk, talk, talk and then make sure you tell a friend when you’re off to meet someone.  I also know that my gut will usually go off and warn me when something is off.  Like I’ve blogged earlier – I just have to listen.  Thankfully I was telling a girlfriend of mine about this other guy (not nylons man) and the unsolicited hot tub picture he sent me.  I hadn’t committed to going out with him and after the hot tub pic I knew it was a big no way.  So my gf decided to investigate him since we knew his first and last name.  Oh my gosh!!!  What did she find?  Ummm….Mr. Crazy Hot Tub had been involved in a police shootout over a failed relationship several years ago.  What?!  Geez…thank goodness my gut was going off like I ate a chili pepper.   Seriously, I could have ended up in a well getting my skin ready for a psycho killer.  I’m sure my family is not happy to be reading this, but hey I found out before I met him.  Yay me.

I’m working my booty off to be the best mom I know how to be. I don’t have a lot of free time and when I do I just want to go out with a normal, kind, communicative and handsome (to me) person.  I feel like I’m asking to win the lottery with this request. Maybe I am and when I do meet the right person it will feel just like winning the lottery.  It just stinks that I’m having to talk to a lot of frogs (not kissing these frogs) and see a lot of disturbing pictures to find Mr. Right.  I mean really…why would you put a picture of you in a bubble bath on your profile?  Or a picture of your head lying in a suitcase as a profile picture?  Or another favorite, you with your arms wrapped around another woman and her head scratched out! Help me, help you! I can’t unsee these pictures people!  😉

xoxo Melissa

This is what dating has done to me!

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