If you’re in the dating world you’ve probably become familiar with rejection. Thin skinned? Oh don’t worry; the dating world will toughen you up! I know, it’s not supposed to feel like rejection…blah blah blah….it sure does feel like it though! For years men were the ones to put themselves out there and women did the rejecting. I don’t believe that is accurate today and in fact I’d say women and men in the dating world both know rejection intimately. It doesn’t matter how good looking you are, you will get rejected. Amazing career, car, house, looks…no guarantee against rejection my friend. In fact, for you rejection might be even harder to grasp. I remember back in my 20’s and breaking it off with a really good looking guy (looked a lot like Ben Affleck). He just stared at me and finally said, “You’re the first girl to ever break up with me.” Wow. I felt badly for him, but thought he’d lead a charmed dating life until then.
Dating today is all about being rejected. I will naively admit that I thought dating would be a lot easier with all the apps and website, but in fact I think it’s even more difficult. If you’ve been reading my blogs you know that my dating life has been more drama/comedies/horror movies than anything close to a romance. I am a big soft hearted person, so this dating world is a little rough for me. I know and I hear that it’s not really rejection of YOU, but that you’re just not the right fit. I hear you, I get it and I still say it feels like rejection. When you reach out to someone and never hear back –rejection. When you go on a date and think it’s been great and never hear back – rejection. When someone tells you they’re going to call and never do – rejection.
I believe that if we’re all honest we’ve all been rejected and rejected someone. Let’s say you’re on a dating site and someone messages you, do you reply to everyone? I honestly admit that I don’t. I did at first, but found it exhausting to get back to everyone so I stopped. I’m not a mean spirited person or jerk, but I’m sure for people who sent me messages and never heard back from me they might disagree. They might also feel a little rejected. I know I did until dating toughened me up some. Now I’m like a well worn pair of cowboy boots. Worn in, more comfortable and with a few scratches here and there. Me in the dating world originally was a new pair of Luchesse’s headed to the stables.
So how do you get toughened up and not feel so rejected? A girlfriend/therapist friend of mine gave me advice I could understand. She said, “Let’s pretend there are 3 really great bottles of wine, but they’re all a little different.” Okay, so far I can follow this analogy! Then you ask someone you like to pick their favorite wine. They pick wine A – it’s their favorite for no other reason than it’s what they like. It’s not personal, it’s a preference. Okay, so let me get this straight; I’m a good (amazing) bottle of wine, but may not be everyone’s pick? Friend: Yes – it’s not personal. Hmmm… I get it, I really do but I feel a little more sensitive than a bottle of wine. If I was a bottle of wine I’d just be drunk and happy. 😉
Here’s what I see as the upside of rejection. You’re not going to be someone’s second choice. Who wants to be the runner-up? Not me. I want to be someone’s favorite wine. I want to be their first choice. As my girl Taylor Swift says in her song ‘End Game’, “I wanna be your first string…I wanna be your A team.” So maybe, just maybe in all this rejection what really happens is refinement. The rejection is just the path to lead you to your End Game.
No rejection from these 3! 😉