Just because I now have a ‘boyfriend’ doesn’t mean that I’ve got this whole dating thing figured out. Not even close. Here’s the thing – you meet someone, you like them, they like you –and then it gets even more confusing! Once I knew that #mrmn wasn’t going to ghost me, lie to me or lick my face, it took a lot of awkward conversations to figure things out. The relationship was always easy, but I’m someone who needs clarity and conversations to really understand what was going on. How do I move forward when I have no idea where we’re headed?! I admit I can be a little OCD and need a plan. MrMN is very Zen and can fly by the seat of his pants. I like to think I’m Zen, but in all honesty no plan equals chaos and stress in my world. I’m more Monica from Friends. I honestly tried the whole Zen and what will be, will be approach. It stressed me out. We don’t need to detail map things out, but I needed clarity and conversations to help me understand what this ‘relationship’ thing was.
Let’s be clear, feelings + me = awkward conversations and blurted out statements. “I like lamp!” (Ron Burgundy reference for ya). When I was back in high school and college it was easier to figure out relationships. You went out a few times and kept talking, you were exclusive. Ummm….heads up to anyone new in the dating world that is NOT the case unless you are both on the same page. So that was one of the conversations. I will also point out that when I’m stressed and nervous I tend to just bluntly say things. I’ve rehearsed it so many times in my crazy head that you’d think it would be smooth. Ha! Nope, for me it was “So you’re not dating anyone else, right?” “Okay, because that wouldn’t work for me.” Done. Smooth as butter.
Then one day I realized that I don’t know what to call #mrmn. Ummm…boyfriend? Guy I’m dating? UGH. Why does this have to be sooo difficult. Of course being the eloquent relationship conversationalist I am, I just asked him bluntly. “Do I call you my boyfriend?” “Is that cool with you?” Seriously, this dating thing isn’t easy! I love the idea of go with the flow, don’t make any labels, but honestly how do you talk about someone to your friends and family without being able to define who they are in your life? At least in my family and life, if you don’t define it they will. You might as well figure it out for yourself first.
What I am learning is that it’s okay to have no clue. I honestly don’t get dating today and how things are defined and figured out. I do get my relationship and am happy with how we are and the conversations we’ve had. I’m also learning to ask more questions and sit on my feelings until I understand them better. Hello mature adult! Patting myself on the back here. I’ve come to the conclusion that dating later in life isn’t easy AND I admit I thought it should and would be. I didn’t think there would be games; there still are. I thought everyone dating wanted a relationship. They don’t! Be careful for the overly aggressive, affectionate guys- they’re not looking for anything past tonight. You just have to find someone who is willing to have the awkward conversations and who wants the same thing out this dating world that you do. If you can do the conversations with more finesse than me, hats off to you! 😉
Early dating pic with Mr.MN